


Where Your Loyalties Lie

by Ameera



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Canon Cardassia, Section 31, prompt, update as life permits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-10-06
Packaged: 2018-12-13 01:52:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11749635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ameera/pseuds/Ameera
Summary: Julian and Garak are finally together. They're in love. Of course nothing is perfect, Cardassia is in shambles and Julian still has duties to Starfleet, but they are happy. However, Section 31 has hardly forgotten the threat Julian Bashir poses to them and they hardly approve of his choice in lovers.-----------------------------------"Post-canon Cardassia whatever#-shot, Julian went to Garak and stayed (they got together, finally), Section 31 assholes try to pursue Julian, and Garak is DISPLEASED(also kinda panicking on the inside)." - Original Prompt from MarkalaSo I'm trying to take prompts and post them but if they're longer than one-shots (like this one) I will just update whenever I can. I want my prompt fics to be in addition to my regularly updated pieces. Enjoy!





	1. Salt in Summer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Markala](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Markala/gifts).



“That can’t be serving any real purpose.” Garak shook his head as he looked at how his lover merely tugged at a small corner of sheet and held it to his chest.

“It’s too hot for me to be fully covered.” Julian turned his head and kissed Garak’s cheek.

“And yet you require a tiny amount of my blanket?” He scooted closer and rubbed his nose into Julian’s hair.

“Oh, please, no, my hair is gross.” Julian laughed as Garak’s nose tickled him. “I’m sweaty and disgusting.”

“Sweaty, yes.” Garak nibbled Julian’s earlobe gently, receiving a small chuckle. “Disgusting, no.”

“How would you describe this?” Julian motioned with his hand to his damp body in only his underwear.

“Salty.” Garak kissed Julian’s lips and pulled away slowly.

“Smelly.” Julian countered.

“You’re hardly the worst smelling thing around Cardassia right now.” Garak propped himself up slightly and traced a finger over Julian’s chest.

“True, whatever that fish juice you drink in the morning is has me beat.” Julian grinned as he covered Garak’s hand with his own. “But I want to be perfect for you.”

“In that case, mission accomplished.” Garak smiled as Julian moved their joined hands to his lips. “You truly are perfect, my dear.”

“And of course you would _never_ lie to me.” Julian rolled his eyes and then pulled Garak in for a long and passionate kiss. “I don’t want to leave.” He whispered, sad.

“Surely it will be a relief to be in your own climate.” Garak brushed a lock of sweat-drenched hair from Julian’s face. “And it’s only for a month. One less month of Cardassian summer that you’ll have to suffer through.” Julian frowned.

“I wish you could come with me.” Garak opened his mouth to say something but Julian stopped him. “I know, I know! It’s not really feasible and I _do_ understand, I just don’t like being apart from you.”

“It brings me no joy either, darling.” Garak sighed. “But I can’t just leave right now and you need to make reports to headquarters if you’re going to stay in Starfleet.” Garak lightly stroked Julian’s cheek. “If you were to _leave_ Starfleet…”

“Don’t ruin a nice moment, Garak.” Julian scoffed. “I love my job.”

“I merely mean to point out that you could still be a doctor here on Cardassia without being in Starfleet.”

“You know I love more about Starfleet than medicine.” Julian bit his lip as he thought. “I don’t want to ever stop learning about new people and cultures. I want to keep helping places in need, not just one spot.”

“Yes, yes, and how lucky I am that my home is in such desperate need of Starfleet’s concern.” This was an old disagreement that had yet to become a full-blown fight, but it was certainly eager to become one. “So glad I can amuse you while you nobly sacrifice your Federation comforts to help my weak people.”

“Garak.” Julian warned. “There are plenty of worlds that need doctors after the war. Most of us are being sent to Betazed. I came _here_ for you.” Julian took Garak’s hand again and squeezed it. “I want to help, but I want to be with _you_.”

“And yet, not enough to stay.” Garak exhaled. Julian looked hurt so Garak placed a delicate kiss on his forehead. “I’m sorry, my dear. I’m grateful for the time I have had with you, it’s more than I thought I would ever receive.” Julian looked at him confused.

“I’m not breaking up with you.” His eyes then widened in shock. “Are you breaking up with me?” He was searching Garak’s face for information.

“I would never dream of ending our relationship.” Garak reassured. “But you’re not claiming that you want this to continue forever, are you?”

“I don’t leave for another week.” Julian furrowed his brow. “And I will be back in a month. I thought you were planning on waiting for me to get back.”

“I will happily wait the month.” Garak smiled sadly. “I would happily wait years, but I will not wait forever for someone who will never return.”

“Why wouldn’t I return?” Julian was beginning to grow frustrated and Garak tilted his head in confusion.

“When you receive a new posting, my dear.” Garak shook his head, trying to make sure he hadn’t missed something. “You want to help people in need, I do hope that one day Cardassia will no longer be in need. Then Starfleet will take you away from me.”

“Oh, Garak!” Julian laughed out a sigh. “Who knows when that will be? And even then, how do you know you won’t want to go off with me? Or maybe I’ll have changed my mind or be ready to retire.”

“You think that possible?” Garak blinked. “You don’t feel we have an end date?”

“What!?” Julian gasped. “Garak, no! What? I mean, of course not!” He shook his head in confusion. “Garak, I _love_ you.” He bit his lip right after he said, worried as to how the other man would reply. He then inhaled deeply and continued. “I mean it, I really do love you. I don’t know the future, but I want to spend it with you.”

“My dear…” Garak felt his heart melt and he couldn’t stop the large smile that played on his lips. “I had no idea.” Julian laughed, letting some tension out.

“How could you not?” He kissed Garak. “I’ve been pretty affectionate.”

“You still call me ‘Garak.’” Garak noted. It was a small matter, but one he’d filed under evidence that their moments of passion were nothing more than a fleeting fascination.

“Would you prefer ‘Elim’?” Julian asked with all sincerity. “I suppose I’ve just known you as ‘Garak’ for so long, the thought hadn’t crossed my mind.”

“Either is fine.” He nodded. “Though I would like you to use my first name _some_ of the time if we’re going to remain together.”

“Alright, Elim.” Julian wrapped his arms around Garak and let out a humming sigh. “But you still don’t call me ‘Julian’ so it didn’t seem right for me to take the first step.”

“Do you _want_ to be called ‘Julian’?”

“It’s my name.” Julian shrugged. “But I do like the ‘my dears’ and ‘darlings’ as well, so don’t stop those.”

“Duly noted, my darling Julian.” Garak purred. Julian’s grin made him look absolutely ridiculous and beautiful at the same time. He kissed Garak and his tongue was granted entry. He moved and explored, getting more forceful until he found himself straddling Garak, still with their lips locked. When he pulled away, he still had that gigantic smile.

“I love you, Elim.” He breathed as he slowly moved his hands down Garak’s chest.

“And I love you, Julian.” Garak admitted with a shiver.


	2. Hooking Thumbs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian returns to Garak three days early, but Garak grows concerned when he realizes Julian isn't telling him everything.

Julian had been hoping to surprise Garak. He was three days early from returning from Earth, and he tried his best to walk as silently as he could toward what Julian happily referred to as their “love shack.” Of course, he should have known better than to have tried to sneak up on Garak because now he was on his back in the sand with a very amused Cardassian on top of him.

“Why didn’t you tell me you would be early?” Garak rolled his eyes with a smile as he moved off of Julian.

“Um, surprise?” Julian laughed. “I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to arrange the earlier transport and I didn’t want to get your hopes up only to let you down.”

“My hopes up?” Garak smirked as he offered his hand for Julian to get up. “That would imply I was looking forward to your return.” Julian took the hand but instead of lifting himself up, he pulled Garak back down and rolled on top of him.

“You’re the one who pounced me before I could even say hello.” He grinned and gave Garak a kiss he’d been waiting for the entire month. “Hello, by the way.”

“While I’ll admit to having first brought you to the ground, you’re the one who is prolonging the situation.” Garak teased. “And now your uniform and my clothes are covered in dust because you find it fun to roll around.”

“Mm,” Julian let his hand move to Garak’s neck ridges. “Then I suppose we should get out of these filthy things.”

“Julian, it’s the middle of the day.” Garak frowned.

“Brilliant observation.” Julian kissed his cheek.

“We’re outside.” Julian now moved his mouth to the ridges, causing Garak to shudder. “Someone could see us.”

“There’s no one around.” Julian purred.

“Someone might come to see the structures.” Garak pointed out and Julian sighed.

“Well, alright, to the love shack then!” Julian stood up and dusted himself off. Garak followed the motion and took one of Julian’s bags that had been pushed to the ground.

“Why must you insist on calling it that?” Garak shook his head and Julian took the other bag.

“I can’t call it ‘Tolan’s Shack,’ because then if anyone asks who Tolan is I don’t know what to say.” They began walking to the debated shack. “Do I say he’s your uncle-father? Your father-uncle? It would be disrespectful to call him ‘Tain’s Gardener’.” Julian enjoyed teasing the little bits of Garak’s past that only he knew, it was like referencing a first date with them, as it was Garak’s letter that first got them to admit their feelings.

“You could call it ‘home’.” Garak suggested. Julian responded with a fond grin.

“Anywhere is home with you.” They stepped inside and placed the bags down. “But I hope you get a better house one day.”

“What could be better than this palace?” Garak laughed, motioning around at the humble environment.

“A bigger bed.” Jullian put his arms around Garak’s waist with a smirk. “On the second floor. And there’s a balcony that you can go out and eat on while you smell the Endosian orchids from the garden below.”

“My, you are decadent.” Garak smiled. “And I suppose you’ll want the mattress to be a soft one from Earth? Or perhaps a Risan one that you practically sink into?”

“That’s up to you, it’s your house.” Julian pressed his chest against Garak’s. “Though I do expect to be spending plenty of time in your bed.”

“I’m convinced you would remain nude and lie about all day if you didn’t love medicine so much.” Garak put his hand on the cheek of the man he’d missed.

“I like sex.” Julian shrugged with a smirk. “And _you_ like having sex with me.”

“True, although I wouldn’t put it so crudely.” Garak rolled his eyes again.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Julian scoffed and then batted his lashes. “You prefer to _make love to me._ ”

“Are those the only two phrases I have to choose from?” Garak sighed.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got plenty more.” Julian pulled away and then casually sat down on the bed, removing his shoes. “Would you like to ‘make the beast with two backs’?”

“That certainly is colorful.” Garak smiled while sitting next to Julian and removing his own shoes. “I can’t imagine it’s used frequently.”

“It’s from your favorite author.” Julian teased.

“Oh, that cursed Shakespeare?” Garak shook his head. “I can’t believe how much his atrocious work has influenced your culture.”

“He’s credited with inventing a great amount of our words.” Julian moved his hand to cradle the back of Garak’s neck.

“I suppose you have some ready examples?” Garak smiled. “Pray tell what word of his do you keep quoting at me without my knowledge?”

“Kissing.” Julian smiled and pulled Garak in for the activity that Shakespeare had once defined.

“Mm,” Garak hummed as the lips pulled away. “What were you doing _before_ he coined the term?”

“We merely hooked thumbs.” Julian laughed, but Garak simply raised his eyeridges and nodded. “No, not really. That’s a reference to a book. Have I made you read any William Goldman?”

“The name doesn’t sound familiar.”

“I bet you’d love _Marathon Man_.” Julian grinned. “But I was referencing _The Princess Bride_. ‘Since the invention of the kiss, there have been five ranked most passionate, most pure. This one left them all behind.’” Julian then brought Garak in for another kiss, this one was slow, wet, and warm. The two took their time in greeting each other back home.

“You really are in a mood presently.” Garak shook his head when the kiss broke. “You obviously missed me.”

“You have no idea.” Julian groaned and put a hand through his hair. “I had to attend a ceremony where we gushed about how important our relief efforts are.”

“That doesn’t sound too terrible.” Garak said, confused. “After all, you already gush plenty.”

“I won’t even pretend to know what you mean by _that_.” Julian smiled wryly. “No, it’s just that Admiral Ross was there and so it was awkward.”

“Admiral Ross…” Garak thought for a moment, recalling the name. “He married Benjamin Sisko and Kassidy Yates, correct?”

“That’s right.” Julian nodded.

“And he was at that conference on Romulus you went to.” Garak eyed Julian carefully. He’d never found out what had happened on Romulus, he just knew that Julian couldn’t and wouldn’t talk about it.

“Right.” Julian’s tone turned slightly bitter.

“You don’t like him?”

“We don’t see eye to eye.” Julian clicked his tongue with obvious disdain.

“Why?” Garak asked. Julian often tried to find the good in everyone, he didn’t dislike people without good reason.

“It’s not important.” Julian shook his head and smiled, stroking Garak’s cheek again.

“It’s obviously important to you.” Garak pressed.

“I can’t talk about it, Elim.” Julian gave an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry.”

“Something happened between you two on Romulus.” Garak narrowed his eyes. He was going to solve this puzzle. “You discovered something about him?”

“Elim, _please._ ” Julian said sternly while again stroking Garak’s cheek. “Let’s not talk about it.”

“But you can’t bring it to Starfleet.” Garak searched Julian’s face. “Why? Do you not have any evidence?”

“ _Garak._ ” Julian dropped his hand and huffed. “Stop.”

“Alright, alright, I’m sorry.” Garak put his hands up in surrender. “Only tell me one thing.” Julian crossed his arms, awaiting the question. “Are you in any sort of danger?”

“No.” And Garak could tell by looking at Julian’s eyes that that was a lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa, conflict is being hinted at! This is going more slowly than I thought it would, but I'm liking writing all the fluff in their relationship before the "real plot" starts up. Hope you enjoy!


	3. Playing Doctor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something's off about Julian.

                For the third time, Julian shifted and groaned away from Garak’s touch. Eventually he just grabbed Garak’s hand and opened one eye to glare.

“Let me sleep.” He whined.

“Darling, you nodded off before dinner and now it’s nearly lunch.” Garak frowned. “I’ve certainly let you sleep plenty.”

“I’m space lagged!” He rolled so that his back was toward Garak and his face was against the wall.

“And if you continue to refuse to get up, you’ll eventually be on a completely different schedule than me and we’ll never see each other.” Garak felt almost like he was scolding a child. “In which case, you should have stayed on Earth.” Julian turned over again and lifted his arm and the blanket.

“Or you could come here and become nocturnal with me.” Julian had huddled himself completely under the top sheet and the comforter that was on the bed, it was practically a cocoon. “And you get to cuddle.” Garak shook his head and sighed as he found himself settling down into the bed to be wrapped up in Julian’s arms and his blanket shell. He was surprised to feel that while Julian was sweaty, it was a cold sweat.

“You’re freezing!” Garak shivered against him and put his palm to Julian’s damp forehead. “Are you ill?”

“It will pass.” Julian squeezed tighter and buried his head in Garak’s chest. “It’s just some residual space sickness mixed with my body trying to acclimate itself to Cardassia.”

“You don’t get space sick.” Garak began running his fingers through Julian’s hair soothingly.

“The freighter I came on was having issues maintaining its gravity.” He explained. “It would keep fluctuating. I could never adjust.”

“If you weren’t feeling well, why did you exert yourself once you got back?” Julian looked up and blushed.

“It took care of the headache.” He smiled guiltily. “And I really missed you.” Garak pulled away and began to get up. “Don’t _leave_!” Julian whined.

“I’m just getting your tricorder.” Garak said soothingly as he returned with the device. “You _do_ want to feel better, don’t you?”

“So you’re playing doctor, now?” Julian frowned as Garak scanned him.

“No stranger than when you’ve played spy.” Garak reminded and then looked at the reading in front of him. “Your blood sugar seems dangerously low.” Garak quickly put down the tricorder and pulled out the Delavian chocolates he’d been planning to gift Bashir anyway. “Eat this.”

“I don’t know if I can hold anything down.” Julian paled, looking at the food being shoved in his face. However, he sighed and unwrapped the candy and popped a square into his mouth. “I’m not trying to be a difficult patient, doctor.” He smirked weakly after swallowing.

“Yes, well, I suppose you spies have trouble trusting anyone.” Garak sat down on the bed and wiped away the sweat from Julian’s brow. “Isn’t that right, Agent Bashir?” Julian then let his face turn thoughtful.

“Do you miss being a spy?” His eyes were wide and concerned. “I won’t judge you, I’m just curious.” Garak blinked, startled.

“I suppose there are elements.” Garak sighed. “There’s a certain level of self-confidence and power that one feels in that position. But it’s also highly isolating.”

“I mean the work itself.” Julian pressed. “Gathering intel, interrogation, and…” He gave another weak smile. “Eliminating targets.”

“You’re asking if I miss undermining foreign governments, torture, and murder?” Garak chuckled. “It’s hard to believe that my answer will go without judgment no matter what it is.”

“Everything was for the greater good of Cardassia though, right?” Julian’s brow drew close together and he bit his lip. “Did you feel like what you did was important?”

“I did, yes.” Garak said carefully as he pulled his hand away. He didn’t like where this conversation was going, but was surprised to have his wrist grabbed by Julian.

“I _do_ understand the appeal. I’m not faulting you.” He pulled Garak’s hand to his lips and kissed it gently.

“My job was to protect Cardassia at all costs.” Garak explained. “But how do you protect a world when harsh reality is not so forgiving?”

“You lie.” Julian breathed.

“Exactly.” Garak nodded. “You lie to the people, you lie to the outsiders, and you lie to yourself. Soon enough, the world itself is based on lies and that too is dangerous. So how do you defend from the lies? With the truth? With more lies? It’s a vicious cycle.”

“So what’s the solution?” Julian asked, curiosity piqued.

“You either give up on trying to protect your world from everything or…” Garak paused, thinking. “You begin to believe the lie that you can protect it from it all.”

“Which one did you choose?” Julian sat up carefully, Garak helped support his rise and passed him another chocolate.

“I suppose the former.” Garak shrugged. “Though I wavered.” Julian ran his fingers through Garak’s hair and looked deep into his eyes.

“Thank you for telling me, Elim.” He kissed Garak’s cheek and smiled. “I love you.”

“I hesitate to ask, but what brought all these questions on?” Garak tilted his head.

“Oh, I was just thinking, I guess.” Julian gave a small smile. “I never really saw the Cardassia you once did all that for. But I know how much it meant to you.”

“Probably as much as your Federation means to you.” Garak smiled, but Julian seemed to have a chill run through him. “Are you alright?” Julian shook his head.

“Yes, I’m fine, just cold. The fever.” Julian waved a dismissive hand.

“Why do you feel cold when your temperature is above normal readings?” Garak wrapped his arms around Julian and lowered the two of them gently to be lying down. “It seems to be in opposition of itself.”

“Your body is trying to cool itself down.” Julian snuggled closer. “That’s the simplified reason, at least.”

“I do believe you’re attempting to steal my body heat.” Garak laughed and squeezed Julian tighter.

“As if you don’t plan on doing that to me in the winter.” Julian raised his chin to smile at Garak. “And I quite look forward to you being clingy and cuddling, by the way.”

“I hadn’t expected you to stay with me that long.” Garak confessed and placed a kiss on Julian’s forehead. “So I’ll admit that my usual aloof self will be a bit unprepared and unguarded.”

“Good.” Julian kissed Garak’s lips without letting the smile drop from his face. “Because I don’t plan on going anywhere.” There was a quick flash of fear and sadness in Julian’s eyes, but he then buried his face in Garak’s shoulder and began breathing deeply. Garak again felt his heart race with anxiety over whatever secrets Julian was hiding from him, but for the moment, he just brushed through the man’s hair and let him sleep.


	4. Mostly Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garak confronts Julian and gets some answers as to what's going on.

“This isn’t space sickness.” Garak said bluntly as Julian returned from the small bathroom.

“I didn’t mean to wake you.” Julian stood rigidly and still as he felt himself caught in Garak’s icy stare.

“Julian, please tell me what’s going on.” The moonlight crept in and illuminated both their eyes and their outlines. Garak’s scales almost seemed to pick up the light. “I want to help you.”

“I’m sick.” Julian sighed and walked back over to the bed to sit. “And I don’t know if there’s anything we can do.”

“You could let another doctor look at you.” Garak sat up and began stroking his lover’s back. “I know Dr. Parmak has mostly only had Cardassian patients, but he is still a brilliant medic.”

“It’s not that simple.” Julian held his head in his hands. “There are things Cardassia can’t know. Classified issues.”

“Your illness is classified?” Garak feared where this was going.

“Circumstances surrounding it are.” He turned to look at Garak. “It’s complicated.”

“And you’re not well enough to travel to a Starfleet hospital?” Garak looked at Julian up and down. It’s true that Julian had been shivering and having severe coughing fits that he tried to hide in the bathroom, but he seemed to be well enough to be on a standard transport.

“It wouldn’t do much good.” Julian put his hand on Garak’s cheek. “There’s no known cure and it’s terminal.”

“Julian…” Garak breathed. “What is this disease?”

“Maybe they’ll call it ‘Bashir Syndrome’?” Julian chuckled darkly. “The ‘Subatoi Sickness’ would have a nice ring to it.” Garak’s eyes widened in horror.

“Someone engineered this and infected you?” Garak felt his rage rising, he’d finally gotten some semblance of happiness and now some unknown force was trying to rip it from him in the most slow and cruel way possible.

“I got earlier transport because I was afraid this was going to happen.” Julian embraced Garak. “I made sure it wasn’t contagious, but I needed to see you again.” Garak squeezed Julian tightly. “I _did_ want to spend the rest of my life with you. And I suppose I will, it’s just not as long as we’d hoped.”

“Julian.” Garak practically growled as he pulled away to look into those brown eyes. “You are _not_ about to die. If someone created this disease, they’ll most likely have a cure.”

“And they’ll have no intention of giving it to me.” Julian shook his head. “These are powerful people, Garak. I can’t fight them alone.”

“You’re not _alone_ , Julian.” Garak put his hands firmly on Julian’s shoulders. “I can help you, but you have to tell me what we’re up against.”

“I’m not betraying Starfleet with my final breaths, Elim.” Julian’s eyes were pleading and filled with sorrow. “I’m sorry. Truly, I wish there was a way, but I’ve examined all the possibilities an—“

“Damn your augmented brain believing you know everything!” Garak stood up in anger. “What good is loyalty if it gets you killed!?”

“Elim, you and I both know full well that you would die for Cardassia.” Julian glared. “I don’t want that for you or me, but it’s who we are and it’s what we’ll do if our allegiances ask for our lives.”

“ _You’re_ my allegiance now, Julian!” Garak knelt down and placed his hand on Julian’s knee. “My Cardassia is dead and I won’t let you die too.” Garak felt as though he would break. This broken world was a mere shadow of what he’d once loved but it almost felt like home when he had Julian in his arms. If he lost that, how was he expected to continue? Julian lifted Garak’s chin with his hand.

“I can’t _tell_ you anything.” He said carefully, making sure his gaze was intense. “Although I know you’re very good at finding things out anyway.”

“Computer, lights.” Garak announced so that the shack became illuminated. He studied his lover’s eyes. “Do you know who infected you?” Julian’s pupils said it all. “Was it someone in Starfleet?” Again, Julian’s eyes answered “yes.” Garak searched his brain for possibilities before finally reaching a conclusion. “Did Admiral Ross infect you with this disease?” Again, the answer was “yes.”

“Does that help you at all?” Julian bit his lip and furrowed his brow. “Because that information hasn’t helped me at all.”

“Why would Admiral Ross want you dead?” No response, obviously. “Is it because of your involvement with a Cardassian?” This time, the answer was in the negative. “Is it due to you being an augment?” Still a “no.” Garak shook his head as he tried to think. “Is it something deeper than all that? Something Starfleet has hidden for some time?” Now there was a clear “yes” again.

“You understand now why I can’t tell you?” Julian asked as he put his hand on Garak’s cheek.

“Julian, I admire your loyalty, but it’s not as if I would ever let anyone know you told me.” Garak looked at him earnestly. “I don’t care about Starfleet secrets.” Julian raised an eyebrow and scoffed. “Alright, they interest me, I won’t deny I’m curious, but I only press this because I want to save _you_. I have no interest in taking down the Federation.”

“I love you, Elim.” Julian breathed. “And that’s why I won’t put you in any more danger.” He bit his lip and sighed. “The last person I told…” He shook his head. “Things didn’t end well for her.”

“They killed her?”

“I’m a little _gray_ on that.” Julian made direct eye contact and Garak began to understand.

“A Romulan…” Garak nodded. “This all goes back to when you were on Romulus.” Garak stood up and began pacing. “Senator Cretak never returned to DS9 after that conference.” Julian nodded. “But Koval got her seat on the Continuing Committee.”

“You certainly keep your eye on things.” Julian smirked. Garak was going to respond but then Julian began having another coughing fit. Garak rushed over to him and began rubbing his back only to see blood on Julian’s hand when he moved it away from his mouth.

“Why now?” Garak asked as he got up to get a glass of water and a cloth to wipe the blood away. “The events on Romulus were two years ago.”

“I pushed them a little too far.” Julian wiped the blood off his hand and took the water gratefully. “Made it clear I wouldn’t play their game.” Garak tried to think about what kind of people would infect Julian Bashir with a terminal disease, why anyone would use biological warfare against his beloved and then he made a connection.

“You cured Odo.” Garak gasped. “Whoever is doing this was trying to kill the Founders but you saved them all.” Julian didn’t respond. “But peace was made! The promise of a cure pushed the Founders into a treaty!”

“I didn’t know that would happen. No one did.” Julian explained. “And yet I meddled anyway.”

“So you’ve proven yourself to be dangerous to them.” Garak nodded. “And I’m sure your living on Cardassia hasn’t made them feel any more secure about you helping enemies.” Julian shrugged slightly with a weak smile.

“I think you’ve learned everything you can now.” He sighed and rested his sweat covered head on Garak’s shoulder. “But if you happen to have a chocolate covered miracle pill, I’d be very appreciative.”

“That’s oddly specific.”

“William Goldman’s _Princess Bride_ again.” Julian gave a weak smile. “Right now I’m only _mostly_ dead.”

“You’re far from dead, my dear.” Garak wrapped his arm around Julian’s waist and let his own head rest on Julian’s. “Don’t give up hope yet.”

“Garak, don’t try and save me.” Julian pulled away and pleaded with Garak’s eyes. “I know what losing a patient is like. I know what it’s like to convince yourself that you’ll somehow be able to save them and then watch them slip away. I don’t want you to feel like you’ve failed me.”

“If I were to do nothing, I would certainly have failed you, my love.” Garak kissed Julian’s damp forehead. “You have to let me help you.”

“Damned if I do and damned if I don’t?” Julian smiled and struggled to suppress a cough.

“I refuse to let you be ‘damned’ at all.” Garak took Julian’s hand and gripped it tightly. “The only thing you’re allowed to be is ‘mine,’ understood?”

“Is that an order, sir?” Julian teased as he let out a small chuckle.

“It’s a prescription.” Garak said. “I’m going to find a way to save you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear, I will try and update this more. I really like this fic premise and I just want to get it right so I'm obsessing a lil bit.


	5. Marry Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian still feels he's going to die, so he has a question to ask Garak before his time is up.

                The next morning, Julian had seemed so weak it seemed unwise to move him. Therefore, Garak found himself going alone to try and find some answers in the city. Dr. Parmak had, of course, wanted to know what all of Garak’s questions were about, but Garak would never betray Julian’s trust. He listed symptoms and made it clear that this was in a Human patient, so Kelas obviously knew it was Julian that was sick, but he was told that he must stay away and respect both Garak’s and Julian’s wishes. He’d seemed irritated by this, but simply nodded his head in concession. Garak had wished Julian could have been the one asking the questions himself, as this medical jargon was beginning to all blur together.

                When Garak did return to Tolan’s shack, however, Julian seemed as good as new. He was outside, sweating in his loose clothing, and actually fiddling with the keypad on the door, presumably to fix how it would sometimes open of its own accord.

“Shouldn’t you be in bed?” Garak asked, though he hoped this meant Julian was miraculously cured. Julian turned to see him with a bright smile and ran over to him.

“Elim!” He practically cheered before a pained look hit his face. He slowed his movements until eventually he stopped and fell to his knees, clutching his sides in obvious pain. Garak immediately rushed to his aid and brought him back inside so he was lying down on the bed.

“Why did you exert yourself?” He asked as he got a cloth and began dabbing at Julian’s forehead.

“I felt better…” He coughed out weakly before wincing at some other internally felt agony. “It went back to just a headache and some nausea earlier.”

“Then perhaps you should refrain from running until we fix this.” Garak scolded with a frown. “Why would this disease lessen in its severity only to go to the extreme again?” Garak’s question was met with another coughing fit. “Forgive me, I’m not a doctor.”

“It’s not progressing normally.” Julilan essentially choked. “But again, this is new territory.” When the coughing subsided, Julian sighed at the fleeting relief. “Could I trouble you for a glass of water?” He said with a weak smile that Garak wouldn’t have been able to say no to had he so desired. “Thanks.” Julian said as Garak not only gave him a cool glass, but supported his head as he drank.

“I recorded Dr. Parmak’s thoughts on what information I gave him.” Garak pulled a datarod from his pocket. “You’ll probably be able to do more with it than I can.” Julian gave a small nod. “Meanwhile, I’ll use my expertise to follow up on other leads.”

“You can’t go around threatening Starfleet admirals and risking your life.” Julian warned. “Cardassia needs you, Elim.” Julian placed a timid hand on top of Garak’s.

“ _I_ need _you_.” Garak responded sternly. “You refuse to give up when someone else’s life is in danger, but when it’s your own health, you seem content to accept defeat.” Garak bit his lip. “I don’t want you to die in my arms.” It was almost a plea, like Garak was begging the universe to not take Julian away from him.

“There are no other arms I’d rather die in.” Julian said with a small smile and weak laugh that quickly turned into another coughing fit.

“Always a romantic.” Garak said, shaking his head. “Although I would prefer to keep you alive so we can actually enjoy being in love.”

“Elim…” Julian breathed, his eyes looking away. “I was actually thinking…” He began to stroke Garak’s hand with his thumb, but he was still looking away. “Maybe we should get married?” Garak simply blinked in the silence until Julian finally looked at him again.

“My dear?” Was all Garak could think to say.

“There are benefits that the spouse of a Starfleet officer gets.” Julian explained. “I want to leave you with something.”

“You’re not leaving me.” Garak quickly said. Julian rolled his eyes.

“Elim, I’m trying to plan ahead.” He licked his lips and inhaled deeply. “You’d be given credits for use of all Federation owned equipment, have healthcare, and be entitled to Federation citizenship.” He held up his hand before Garak could say anything. “I’m not saying you’d _want_ to be a Federation citizen but rebuilding a society can be messy. You may have to leave Cardassia again, I don’t know. This way, you wouldn’t be stuck as an exile ever again. You’d be welcomed as a member of the Federation.” Julian gave a small sad smile and looked at Garak with those large brown eyes. “Marry me?”

                Garak’s silence filled the small makeshift home. His mind tried to process everything being said. Julian was still convinced he would die. Julian, the most brilliant doctor Garak could believe had ever existed, was certain of his own death. That alone did not bode well, but then on his death bed, Julian asks Garak to marry him?

“You think you’re simply ‘benefits’ to me?” Garak said in shock. “Julian, nothing could make up for the loss of you.”

“I’m not saying that’s all you want from me.” Julian said, shaking his head. “But I want to give you whatever I can.” He sighed. “This isn’t charity, this is love.”

“I… appreciate the thought…” Garak began, “but you’re _not_ going to die.”

“Damn it all, Garak!” Julian sat up but then began to cough violently again. “This isn’t just for you, it’s for me!” Garak simply tilted his head as Julian coughed some more. “Can’t you just give a dying man _some_ peace?”

“Like I said, you’re _not_ going to die.” Garak said more firmly now. Julian sighed and looked at him with sorrow.

“And you can’t risk me living to actually enjoy being your husband, eh?” Julian looked away and clicked his tongue, a bitter smile on his face now. “You’re right. It’s not fair of me to guilt you into a marriage.”

“Being married to you…” Garak said carefully, realizing what all of this meant. “Would be the greatest honor and pleasure I could ever dream of having.” He placed a delicate hand on Julian’s shoulder. “But I only want to be married to you because that would mean you’d be by my side forever. I don’t want a mere record of our union and some government gifts.” Julian looked at him in surprise. “I only want you.”

“So…” Julian spoke, clearly analyzing what was being said. “You _will_ marry me?”

“If that’s what you want.” Garak nodded. “But only if you want it with the hope that you’ll survive.” Garak’s answer was Julian’s lips crashing against his. Garak opened his mouth almost out of habit, but pulled back once he tasted blood on Julian’s tongue. He gave a small smile. “There will be time for that later.” He pushed Julian firmly down so he was resting again. “We’re going to be married for a long time.”

“In the morning.” Julian sighed with a smile. “Can we be married in the morning?”

“As you wish.” Garak nodded. Julian chuckled. “What?”

“You really have to read _The Princess Bride_.” Julian smiled, though his eyelids were clearly growing heavy. “Maybe you _would_ like it.”

“Let’s see.” Garak smiled before standing up and getting a PADD and accessing the literary database. “You said it was by ‘William Goldman’?” Julian nodded. “Found it.” He then looked at Julian’s tired face. “I could read aloud to you, if you’d like?” Julian simply smiled and rolled so he was on his side and better facing Garak. That was all the permission Garak needed, and so he began: “‘This is my favorite book in all the world, though I have never read it…’”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't expect to keep this theme of The Princess Bride going for so long, and yet, here we are. It is the thirtieth anniversary of the film this year, so maybe that's it? Let's be real, I've been referencing both the book and the movie constantly since I was little. 
> 
> Anyway! Julian just proposed! :O


	6. On My Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garak reflects on all that has happened and changed but also begins to lay a trap for Admiral Ross.

Julian had nodded off just when Garak was beginning to actually understand the structure of the book he was reading. At first he’d thought he had accessed the wrong copy, seeing how William Goldman himself was claiming that this was simply his own edification of _The Princess Bride_ by S. Morganstern, but Julian explained that S. Morganstern never existed and he was reading the correct version. It all seemed highly convoluted and unnecessary, but Garak then ascertained that it was all to veil Goldman’s blatant criticisms of his wife and adopted son, only to have Julian then explain that Goldman’s real wife was a completely different person and Goldman had two daughters at the time of writing that book and never adopted a son.

Finally, when they had gotten a bit further into the tale of Buttercup and Wesley, Garak decided this was all meant to be a story about Goldman’s love of his father. _That_ was something Garak could find respectable, even if the entire novel seemed to be determined to be the most un-Cardassian thing he had ever read. However, Garak conceded that even this analysis of Goldman’s intention, while acceptable to him, could again be wrong seeing how Julian was now fast asleep and unable to confirm whether or not he was right. Somehow, Garak found that to be both infuriating and a relief.

Now that Julian was finally at some fleeting peace, Garak felt he could again pursue his other avenues of trying to save the love of his life. Admiral Ross was an obvious target to contact, but the man was on Earth and therefore Garak couldn’t effectively threaten him. Garak couldn’t go to Earth himself and leave Julian, and Julian was not well enough to make the trip, so the only way Garak could force information out of Ross would be if the man came to Cardassia. The synapses fired in Garak’s brain and a small smirk appeared on his face: the wedding.

“Most Esteemed Admiral Ross,” Garak began his typed transmission to Earth. It would pay to seem humble and overly polite. “As you may be aware, Dr. Julian Bashir and I have been involved romantically for some time.” It felt like it had only been a few days and yet a lifetime all at once to Garak, but he found it prudent to keep the details vague in case Ross knew any specifics. “I am happy to announce that he and I have now decided to be married!” Ah, the exclamation point. An aspect of Federation Standard grammar that Garak delighted in using. Humans let their emotions play so obviously at times, they actually had a symbol to say, “I am excited!” and Garak often had to restrain himself from ending every sentence with one since it seemed almost cute. “We don’t plan on anything extravagant or large for a ceremony, in fact, we want to keep it all as small as possible seeing how the climate on Cardassia can still be somewhat xenophobic.” True enough that if Ross tried to fact check, he’d find nothing to contradict it. “But we would be most humbled if you would do the honors of enjoining us.” Ross would suspect that something was up then, surely he knew that Julian hated him. “In truth, I would like your involvement to be a surprise for my dear doctor until the big day. You see, it’s thanks to Captain Sisko that Julian and I ever met, so I wish he could be with us to bring us formerly together, but alas no one knows exactly where he is.” Garak had to be careful to make sure he didn’t seem like he viewed Ross as “sloppy seconds” as humans would say. “However, you did the honors of marrying Captain Sisko to the lovely Kassidy Yates only a few years ago, so I can think of no one else who would be more suited to perform the ceremony now.” He smiled to himself, this message would almost be sweet if it weren’t a ploy. “We want to be married immediately, so please come to Cardassia at once!” Garak couldn’t help himself adding another exclamation point. “And, again, don’t tell Julian you’re coming, simply confirm with me so that it can remain a secret until the last possible moment.” If this were real, Garak would add that he understood that Admiral Ross is both important and busy and would accept if the man couldn’t perform the duties requested, but he didn’t want to offer any possible out to the man. He signed the communique and sent it off.

                Garak sat back in his chair and sighed. The soonest he would be able to expect a reply would be in the morning, considering the distance to Earth. Still, a trap was in the process of being set, which did make Garak feel a tad less useless in the face of his current adversity. Garak had never been able to sit back and let someone else take care of important matters, he would either take control of the task personally or ultimately end up micromanaging it. There had been one incident on the station where someone had stolen a bolt of Andorian Silk from his shop where this had shown itself to be true. Garak was determined to solve the case on his own, but was unfortunately stopped when Odo revealed he had been the bolt of Andorian Silk all along. The Constable had been attempting to keep an eye on Garak, when one of Quark’s Ferengi waiters decided to try his luck at selling illegally gotten textiles. Odo and Garak were ultimately forced to work together to determine whether or not Quark was aware of the theft, but afterward Odo specifically requested that Garak never work with him on a case again, saying he was “too overbearing and not as funny as he thinks he is,” or at least that’s what Garak read when he hacked in and stole a look at Odo’s official report of the incident.

The station felt like a lifetime ago now, so much had changed. Garak looked over to the sleeping human who finally looked truly relaxed. The man’s skin was paler than usual, his hair was sopping wet with a cold sweat, redness around his nose and eyelids, and there were dark circles that seemed to begin at Julian’s tear ducts and extend nearly to his earlobes. Garak imagined this was the only time Julian had ever looked less than perfect, but at least when he was sleeping the tension in his face had disappeared. Garak would take all the little victories he could get when it came to Julian’s well-being.

                There was a small sound from the computer that brought Garak back out of his musings and drew his attention to the small monitor he had just been using to send a message to Ross. Someone had just sent Garak a private communique although Garak couldn’t believe the name that claimed to be the sender. There, blinking on the screen, appeared to be a response from Admiral Ross. Garak found himself checking the time to see if he’d somehow fallen asleep in his chair and if this could possibly be the appropriate amount of hours later, but it wasn’t.

                Garak nervously opened the message he was sent. It was possible that there was a virus of some sort encrypted within that could shut down all of the power in Tolan’s shack. Julian would hardly do well without water filtration in this dustbowl, not to mention it would hinder any further research needed to try and find a cure through the medical route of thinking. However, what Garak saw was one single line and two names:

 

_“Garak,_

_I’m on my way._

_-Ross”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun dun DUN! The plot thickens!
> 
> Comments and kudos if you enjoy, but also, check out my tumblr: ameerawritesstuff.tumblr.com if you want to send me prompts or just see pics of my dog!


	7. Allergy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Admiral Ross arrives on Cardassia and Garak goes to meet him.

“How is he?” Were the first words Admiral Ross said once he transported to the surface. Garak had agreed to meet the Admiral at the transporter station, but there were no niceties exchanged.

“Admiral?” Garak asked, not sure how else to respond.

“Is Dr. Bashir still alive?” Ross asked firmly, almost agitated.

“Why wouldn’t he be?” Garak found it hard to believe that Admiral Ross would just openly admit to infecting Julian, or even knowing that he was unwell. Ross’ expression immediately softened at Garak’s response, though there was a curious concern there now.

“He’s not sick?” Now the Admiral looked skeptical, like he wasn’t even sure if Garak was Cardassian he was so untrustworthy.

“He’d have to be sick to be marrying me, is that what you’re implying?” He didn’t even pretend to be offended. They both knew what they were talking about, even if they wouldn’t admit it. Ross frowned.

“Walk with me, Garak.” He picked up his belongings, a simple overnight bag implying he would not be staying long, and began to move down the path. “Up until this point, you and I have only asked each other questions. So how about we try giving each other answers instead?”

“Admiral, this is our first time meeting,” Garak chuckled, “but I assure you, I’m not known for my forthcoming nature.”

“I suppose that’s only fair, given the circumstances.” Ross nodded. “Alright, how about a little give and take?”

“You tell me something so I tell you something?” Garak asked. Ross nodded again. “That sounds agreeable.”

“I don’t have a cure.” He sighed. “But I do know some details as to what we’re dealing with.”

“That is sloppy negotiating, admiral.” Garak scolded. “You should have let me believe you had a cure, a quick fix would be a much better thing to hold for ransom than a small glimmer of hope.” He acted cocky, as if he’d beaten Admiral Ross due to his slip up, but in actuality Garak was desperate to learn anything to save Julian.

“You think that’s why I’m here?” Ross stopped in his tracks and looked shocked. “To negotiate over Dr. Bashir’s life? I want to _save_ him, Garak!”

“Admiral, I know you infected him yourself.” Garak was really not amused by this ploy. “No need to pretend to be the perfect Starfleet Officer.” Garak smirked. “We’re all scoundrels here.”

“I didn’t _want_ to.” Ross averted his eyes, obviously uncomfortable with being confronted by his crime. “There are circumstances, Mr. Garak. Circumstances that cannot be discussed.”

“And those ‘circumstances’ allow you to infect the love of my life but also try to save him?” Garak doubted that very much. “When you play both sides, you always lose.”

“That part of the message was true?” Ross looked in surprise. “You two are in love?”

“That part was true.” Garak nodded. “As is our intention to wed. It was his suggestion.” Ross’s expression was now more pained. “So sorry our love distresses you.” Garak scoffed.

“Don’t paint me as a bigot, when you don’t even know me.” Ross bit back angrily. “I’m ‘distressed’ because that will make Dr. Bashir’s life much harder.” Garak simply raised an eye ridge. “It’s not a disease, Mr. Garak. It’s an _allergy_.”

“An allergy to what?” Garak asked, though he feared he already knew the answer.

“To Cardassians.” Ross said firmly. “To _you_.”

“So as long as he stays away from Cardassians, he’s well?” Garak thought, putting together how odd it was that Julian had been feeling so well right up until the moment Garak had returned home last night.

“He’d be in less pain.” Ross said. “There would still be some symptoms of illness present, but all relatively minor.”

“So you’re saying that if he’s with me, he’ll die.” Garak hated where this was going, but if Julian could live, it was worth it. “But if I never see him again, he could easily outlive me?”

“I don’t know.” Ross admitted. “They didn’t tell me much when they forced me into this.” He looked frustrated now. “I told them I wanted no part in murder, that it made no sense for Starfleet to lose Dr. Bashir, so they explained that it was an allergy and not an innately terminal infection.” He sighed and rubbed his temples with his hand. “But you can’t trust these people. And while they didn’t like that he was on Cardassia, their problem with him is not limited to his involvement with your people. I doubt they’d let him live.”

“But you’re saying there is a chance.” Garak prompted. “You want to take Julian away.”

“I figured he’d want to work on his own cure.” Garak nodded at that, since it was true, though he suspected Ross just didn’t want to let another doctor in on this classified situation. “But he could do that more easily if he weren’t in constant agony.”

“But you think he’ll still die if he doesn’t find something miraculously?” Ross confirmed with a nod and Garak’s heart sank. “I see…”

“He’s a good man.” Ross began. “It would be bad for Starfleet to lose him, but I personally think we’re all better off with Dr. Bashir living.” Garak saw these words immediately for what they were: a pitch. Ross was essentially pitching the pros and cons of Garak possibly losing the last moments he would ever get with the man he loved. “We need to give him every chance at survival that we can.” Ah, the word “we” to simulate a sense of togetherness, as if Garak felt he were at all on the same side as Ross.

“I agree.” Garak nodded. As much as he didn’t like the situation, he couldn’t argue with the logic of putting Julian through less pain at the very least. “But he should be the one to make the decision.” Not only was it Julian’s right, Garak could be missing something about Ross. This could all be a trick to abduct Julian, Admiral Ross was not to be trusted.

“He’ll probably protest.” Ross warned. “The man is stubborn and he did come all the way back to you, he may not want to leave.”

“Not to mention he doesn’t like _you_.” Garak added. Ross looked surprised at this as well. “Don’t look so shocked, admiral, I doubt very much that Julian has ever kept his opinions on anyone a secret.”

“I suppose that’s true.” Ross sighed. “Shall we continue on? Find out what he thinks?”

“Follow me.” Garak smiled in his most congenial fashion before again heading towards Tolan’s Shack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ross is... a complicated character to say the least...
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


	8. Annabel Lee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian wants to leave something behind for Garak after he's gone.

                Julian had woken up feeling much better again, but Garak had already left. He hoped Garak was out making arrangements for the two of them to be married, but there was no note or anything left behind to say where the man had run off to. Julian sighed and took stock of how he was feeling. A little nausea and a slight headache again, but nothing compared to the coughing up blood and horrible joint pain. Julian also wasn’t running a fever according to his tricorder. Julian wanted to let his hopes get up, but the same thing had happened yesterday, only for him to fall crashing down on his knees in agony.

                Julian went to the bathroom to scrub himself down. There was no sonic shower, or even a traditional water one, so sponging using sink water and soap was really the only option. There was a tub, but filling an entire bath would use up an immense amount of warm water that Cardassia simply couldn’t spare at the moment. Julian had actually grown to enjoy these poor man’s sponge baths, but usually Garak was the one sponging Julian down and he would return the favor in kind. Wiping the sweat away did do wonders for Julian’s state of mind though.

                He found himself smiling. He was getting ready for his wedding! Even if they were eloping, desperate to get it all done before Julian finally died, Julian couldn’t really picture wanting anything more. He would have liked to have had Miles and Felix around for a stag party, but he was somewhat relieved they wouldn’t be at the ceremony itself. He couldn’t imagine standing at an altar, pledging his heart to Garak, and having witnesses of any kind. It wasn’t that Julian was ashamed, far from it, but open displays of emotion were such a private thing for his relationship with Garak. No one else really saw Garak open and honest, so Julian felt it would be a bit odd to have a whole audience. Julian would have no problem professing his love in front of the entire quadrant, but he’d worry that Garak would get cold feet and claim he was only taking Julian out of pity, or worse, reject him.

                It still wasn’t real to Julian that Garak was in love with him. This man had been the most interesting friend Julian had ever had, and his secrecy and mysterious past were what Julian thought had him coming back for more. But then it hit Julian that not only was no one else pursuing Garak in the way he did, no one else seemed to care nearly as much even when he _did_ learn something. Once, Miles even asked Julian why he was so obsessed with Garak. Julian had insisted it was because the man was a mystery, but Miles had gotten Julian wondering if there was more to it than that. And _, oh_ , there was so much more to it.

                When he’d first arrived on Cardasssia, he didn’t really know what he was going to say or do, but he did know he was finally going to voice his feelings. He’d arrived at Tolan’s shack to a smiling Garak, despite him obviously being worse for wear. Julian, being the overly emotional and open human that he was, immediately hugged Garak in greeting and then proceeded to kiss him. It had felt natural, they’d been flirting around it for years, and a kiss seemed to be the next logical step so Julian hadn’t even realized what he’d done in the moment. It was when Garak kissed back and began to run his hands down Julian’s back that the reality of it all hit him. He was _kissing_ Garak!

                They spent the spring together in passion nearly every night, as they were certainly in that “honeymoon” stage of a relationship. Plus, they were living together, sharing the same small bed, self-control was extremely limited. Once, Garak had gone out to meetings and rallies all day and Julian was surprised that he actually got back from the hospital before him. When Garak did return to the shack, he looked so exhausted and drained, Julian immediately made him sit and he sponged the grime away from the man. It was the non-sexual intimacy that let Julian know he was in love with Garak. The fact that he didn’t have to think about it to take care of Garak, the Cardassian felt like an extension of himself.

                Julian put the sponge back down on the side of the sink and looked at himself in the mirror. He was getting married. He was going to die, but that extension of himself would live on. He smiled at that, it was something at least. Julian spied a PADD on the chair by the bed, probably the same one Garak had been reading from. It gave Julian an idea so he picked it up and opened a new file so he could begin typing.

“Reading List:” Julian started. He didn’t want Garak to feel lost or abandoned once he died, he wanted Garak to have something pleasant to look forward to. Julian figured literature recommendations were always vital to their relationship, why not leave a list behind for after he died?

“Finish reading _The Princess Bride_ , it’s a bit absurdist, but then again, so am I.” He figured he might as well add little notes, so that way there could be some sort of discussion or debate even though he wouldn’t be around.

“Also read _Marathon Man_ , also by Goldman, but entirely different. Incredibly dark and gruesome, I think you’ll be interested in the dynamic between the brothers. I think that maybe, although I’m sure you’ll deny it just to spite me, you’ll even enjoy the story as a whole.” Julian then thought, was it worth it? He smirked and started typing again.

“You are hereby required to read all of Shakespeare’s plays. Every time you’re so frustrated with the characters you want to throw the PADD across the room, you’ll think of me.” He chuckled to himself. Even though Garak would never admit it, Julian suspected that he’d actually enjoyed _Julius Cesar,_ considering he quoted it in his letter to Julian. Or he really did hate it, but it wasn’t as though Garak was meant to like all of his recommendations. He smiled, thinking about all the debates they would have over the dysfunctional family in _Hamlet_ alone before again remembering why he had to make this list. He was dying.

                He’d tried everything he knew to attempt to find a cure, and he did believe there was one somewhere, but Julian felt he’d need more time to actually find it. It wasn’t clear how much longer Julian had, that was the worst part of being infected with a new disease, no clue as to what to expect. Julian hoped he didn’t begin to look grotesque and reek of horrid bodily fluids. He didn’t want Garak to have to deal with that. If anything, Julian wanted to just die in his sleep. Julian gave himself a self-deprecating laugh, he was now thinking of his most ideal way to die.

                Julian did have a sort of fantasy death in mind. It certainly didn’t have Tolan’s shack as the setting, even though he’d grown rather fond of the place. Julian wanted to get to a ripe old age of about one-hundred-sixty, not so old that he’d just be waiting for death eventually, but old enough that he’d lived a full life. Furthermore, he wanted Garak to still be alive too. It was ridiculous, but he’d like them to somehow die naturally at the same time, to not leave either one of them behind. He wanted to die knowing Cardassia again felt like a home to Garak and with his lover’s arms around him. Was it overly picturesque and highly unrealistic? Absolutely, but this was a fantasy after all.

“Read some of the works of Edgar Allen Poe, specifically _Annabel Lee_.” Julian paused as he wrote that. Was it cruel to put such an appropriately tragic piece in there? He almost deleted the latest addition to the list, but then he realized how censoring his thought process in his very last gift to Garak would probably be the last thing the other man wanted. And so, _Annabel Lee_ remained on the list, but Julian added a note. “I love you.”

                That’s when the door slid open. Julian’s face lit up when he saw Garak, but it immediately fell when he saw that he was accompanied by Admiral Ross himself. He immediately checked to see if Ross had a phaser or disrupter to Garak’s back, or if it was the other way around, but neither one was carrying a weapon. They were both willingly walking together into Tolan’s shack. Julian crossed his arms and sat down on the bed, awaiting an explanation, but also making sure the phaser hidden under the pillow was in his reach. If Ross was going to do anything that might endanger Garak as well, Julian wouldn’t hesitate to shoot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this fic will probably be ending in a couple of days, I don't see it being more than ten chapters :)


	9. Wedding Bells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garak tells Julian that Ross is here to help.

“He’s here to help.” Garak said quickly, recognizing Julian’s eyes darting to where the phaser was hidden. “Or so he claims.” That earned Garak a glare from Ross, but it wasn’t as if he was going to give the Admiral his full vote of confidence anytime soon.

“Infect me just to cure me?” Julian scoffed, though the way his eyes watered slightly revealed that he was probably trying to hold back a new coughing fit. “That seems like a waste of time. Or is this a new kind of blackmail? I give you whatever it is you want and you let me live?” Garak could only think of one other time that Julian looked so cold and angry, and that was when he shot him.

“I didn’t want to infect you, doctor.” Ross still had his angered sort of presence, but it seemed more like a shield than anything else. Maybe he really did want to save Julian? Garak could only hope. “But I can tell you everything I know and beam you aboard the _Hudson._ ” Julian hardly looked convinced.

“Out of the goodness of your heart?” He leaned back slightly, projecting an air of confidence that he could not have actually felt in his position. “I’d rather die with Elim than on your ship.” 

“Julian…” Garak didn’t want to say it. If he voiced it, it was true. “Admiral Ross says that you’re suffering from an allergy.”

“An allergy?” That broke Julian’s façade for a moment. He not only was clearly surprised to hear that, he had a small smile, probably trying to think of new angles he could try for a cure. “To what?”

“To me.” Garak looked away. He didn’t want to lose Julian, but he’d let him go rather than watch him die. “You’re now allergic to Cardassians.” Garak stayed against the door and looked up again to see Julian’s reaction. He wanted to comfort his love, but that would only make him feel worse.

“But allergies are easy enough to treat, once we know what the patient is allergic to.” Julian’s face was brightening again. “Just get me a hypo with a synthesized diphenhydramine compound, and I’ll be fine.” Julian gave Ross a challenging look. “In fact, now that I know to keep some distance, it’s best for me to say with Elim. I could even build up a resistance naturally.”

“And I’ll happily let you use the _Hudson_ ’s infirmary to get whatever you need.” Ross nodded. Garak doubted he knew whether or not finding a cure for Julian would be simple, but at least Julian seemed confident and was being offered resources. “But you can’t stay on Cardassia until you’re cured, it’s too dangerous.” Julian looked at Ross suspiciously.

“What exactly are you doing here, admiral?” Garak could see Julian move to stand up, but stop himself. He probably was feeling feverish again and realized that it was best to stay sitting. “You just show up to take me away with the promise of saving my life?”

“Garak _asked_ me to come, doctor.” Ross was growing irritated again. Julian glanced at Garak in confusion.

“I thought it best we learn all we can from him.” Garak explained. “Not to mention, we need _someone_ to marry us.” Garak’s smirk was met with one of Julian’s own. Then Garak turned his attention back to Ross, as he had his own questions for the man. “Though I only sent the communique late yesterday afternoon, so I don’t know how you were able to respond so quickly and arrive today.”

“I was already in this sector.” Ross said. “Ever since Dr. Bashir returned, I wanted to stay close in case there was anything I could do.”

“But you waited for an invitation?” Julian raised an eyebrow. “If one never came you’d just leave me to die?”

“I’m being _watched_ , doctor.” Ross said in a hushed voice. “I needed an excuse to come here. I was going to try and make one up, but your wedding provided me with one.” Garak and Julian exchanged a look.

“Alright…” Julian said, clearly thinking. “Then Elim and I will go to the _Hudson_ together.”

“The point is to get treatment _without_ risk of worsening your condition.” Ross argued. “Mr. Garak, despite caring for you, is still Cardassian.”

“You could have spies on your ship, admiral.” Garak chimed in with a smile. “Ones that would grow suspicious of you beaming just Julian aboard.”

“But if I were to come aboard to be married…” Julian began, “then it wouldn’t be odd for me to visit your infirmary. Just out of my medical curiosity, of course.”

“What would be odd, however,” Garak said, “would be him coming aboard for his wedding, without his partner.” Ross looked between the two of them, they were clearly united and feeling smug about their plan. Ross sighed.

“They’ll find a Cardassian around strange.” He reminded. “And the wedding will seem like an obvious ploy to get you on the ship.”

“And how did you propose to make me coming aboard less obvious?” Julian asked.

“I was hoping I could convince you to leave Cardassia for good.” Ross said firmly. “Then they wouldn’t view you as such a loose cannon, so my saving you would be acceptable.”

“Well,” Julian sighed, “you can’t convince me to leave. So you know that I’m doomed to die.” Julian shook his head and clicked his tongue. “But you and I have known each other for years, fought alongside each other in the Dominion war, you couldn’t deny me my dying wish.” Ross raised an eyebrow.

“And marrying Mr. Garak is your dying wish?” Ross was nodding now, understanding where this was all going.

“A private wedding, on a Starship.” Julian smirked. “After all, Elim and I lived on the Defiant together for some time.” Garak was practically beaming with pride as Julian spun romance into an excuse so that they could complete their mission of saving Julian. “I think I’d like us to be wed in the infirmary. After all, I am a doctor.”

“That sounds lovely, my dear.” Garak nodded before looking at Ross, awaiting his response. Ross nodded.

“Who am I to deny a man his last request?” Ross said with a wry grin. “Wedding bells will ring.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow I shall post the THRILLING CONCLUSION!!!! (I mean, it's not that thrilling, but like... yeah.)
> 
> Hope you guys are liking this :)


	10. Out Of Uniform

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian and Garak are supposed to be married on the USS Hudson, but not everyone involved is sure.

 

“Are you feeling any better?” Garak asked when Julian came out of the infirmary. He was wearing his dress uniform, it fit the story that they were just there for their wedding.

“Let’s see.” Julian smirked and practically skipped over to Garak. He placed a long and passionate kiss on Garak’s lips, taking his time to explore and ensure that it was well savored. “Do I taste better?” Julian breathed when he pulled away. He then grinned when Garak didn’t respond, his eyes only fluttering open again. “I’ve filled up some hypos of boosters in case I need them, but it shouldn’t be necessary.” Julian felt Garak take his hand and lace their fingers.

“You don’t know how relieved I am at this very moment.” Julian looked deeply into Garak’s eyes and saw how much sorrow he’d been holding back.

“You and me both, Elim.” Julian sighed before smirking. “So… do you still want to get married?” He licked his lips cautiously. “If you don’t, I understand. We were sort of rushing into things. But, I mean, if we don’t, Ross doesn’t have a great alibi and I would _like_ t—” Julian stopped talking once Garak kissed him again. The truth was, Julian purposefully decided to over talk in that moment. He was too nervous to wait for a reply and he knew Garak would stop him eventually. He wasn’t sure he’d be stopped with a kiss, but Julian had hoped that would be the case.

“We wouldn’t want to endanger the admiral.” Garak smirked. “Not to mention I love you and would be a fool to decline your offer.” This was what Julian was happy to have. Garak admitting openly that he was in love with Julian. Julian didn’t think it would ever happen, and yet not only was Garak happily declaring it, they were about to be married.

“Then let’s go back to the infirmary.” Julian bit his lip. “Can you imagine a more romantic venue?” He laughed.

“It’s not the replimat.” Garak sighed. “But I suppose it will have to do.” The two returned to the infirmary, where Admiral Ross had remained.

“I see you’re not in any pain.” Ross smiled when he saw Julian and Garak holding hands.

“’I’ve spent the past few years building up an immunity to iocane powder.’” Julian proudly quoted before growing more serious. “Thank you, admiral.” Julian nodded. “Truly.” Ross put up his hand and shook his head. “Now, if you don’t mind doing one last favor?” Julian blushed as he held up his and Garak’s joined hands. He was too giddy to ask to be married out loud.

“You…” Ross blinked in surprise. “You still want me to marry the two of you?”

“Of course.” Julian dropped their hands and exchanged a look with Garak. “Why not?”

“Doctor…” Ross was obviously uncomfortable. “It’s worrisome to have a Starfleet Officer wedded to a former member of the Obsidian Order.”

“You know what else is worrisome?” Julian let go of Garak’s hand and took a step closer to Ross. “A Starfleet Admiral who keeps changing sides.” He crossed his arms and let his full height go against the Admiral’s. “Do you want me dead or alive? Do you think I’m some kind of traitor or not?”

“Relations with Cardassia are tense at best, doctor!” Ross yelled. “And, excuse me, but your Mr. Garak is hardly the most trustworthy of the bunch.”

“He helped us during the war.” Julian said coldly. “He risked his life for us.”

“He risked his life for Cardassia.” Ross said. “He’s a patriot to his people, not to the Federation.”

“Are you questioning _my_ patriotism, admiral?” Julian clicked his tongue. “If I were his husband, would that not make _me_ his people as well?”

“You’re a Starfleet officer, Julian.” Julian wanted to punch Ross for acting as if they were remotely close. “Don’t be naïve.”

“That’s always been the issue, hasn’t it?” Julian chuckled darkly. “I _am_ a Starfleet officer.” He took off his comm badge and held it out to the Admiral with his open hand. “Admiral Ross, I am hereby officially resigning from Starfleet.”

“Julian…” Garak breathed in concern.

“Dr. Bashir, I don’t understand.” Ross said shaking his head.

“You won’t have to worry about me. I’ll just remain here as a doctor.” Julian shrugged. “I won’t be affiliated with Starfleet and I won’t be able to be any sort of threat.”

“Julian, Starfleet means everything to you.” Garak said softly, placing a hand on Julian’s shoulder. As if Julian didn’t know that? He could feel his own heart breaking.

“That was before they tried to kill me.” Julian said firmly, pretending he wasn’t shattered inside. “Because I’m a liability. Because I’m in love with a Cardassian and I don’t think innocent people deserve to die.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry, Admiral, but even if I were to leave Cardassia, to leave Elim, I would always love him and I would never think what’s been done is right.” Ross looked him over carefully, a pained expression on his face.

“Put the badge back on, lieutenant.” Ross phrased it like a command, but it was more like a soft coaxing. Julian looked at Ross suspiciously before he sighed. “You wouldn’t want to be caught out of uniform at your own wedding.” A small grin appeared on Ross’s lips. “You know they may try and kill you again, right? If you say this is what you want and you’ve thought it through, I do know that you’re a good officer. But they won’t be so trusting.” It was a warning, but one that Ross was almost saying as a joke. He knew at this point that Julian would never reconsider.

“I’m well aware of that, Admiral.” Julian nodded. “But I’d rather be dead than leave Elim.” Ross shook his head but put up his hands in surrender. “Now would you mind conducting the ceremony before he changes his mind?”

“No chance of that.” Garak smiled and took Julian’s hand again. “My allegiance lies with you.” He had a warm smile as they laced their fingers. In that moment, Julian knew he was going to be happy with his new husband, and they would always be loyal and true to one another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo! What a ride! 
> 
> First off: NoOneKnowsIWriteThis is THE BEST Beta, as always! Like, none of my works would be done if it weren't for her honestly. Read her own works and check out our co-written pieces :)
> 
> Ross, what a character, huh? He's definitely a patriot, but the war really messed with him in my mind. Like, he said he worked with Sloan because he couldn't stand the death counts over and over again. I get that. It's not right, what he did, but I understand and there really are so many shades of gray in wartime. But I really don't think he would let Julian be killed or even force him out of Starfleet, dissuade him from marrying Garak? Sure. But not force him. Although I'm pretty sure Section 31 will figure out Ross intervened and honestly? He's probably not going to survive. He knows that, but he's willing to take the risk.
> 
> Ahem, anyway! Character studies aside! I hope you guys enjoyed this and thank you to Markala for her lovely prompt! It was a joy to write!
> 
> (also, how did Princess Bride become so central to this fic? I don't know, but thank you to NoOneKnows for figuring out how to fit a reference in the last chapter!)


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